you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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