i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
