You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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