I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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