Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
