How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
