how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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