According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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