Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
