Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
