Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
