Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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