first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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