I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
