Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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