Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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