my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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