Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
