so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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