I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
