i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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