I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
