I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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