he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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