Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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