We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
