Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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