there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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