And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
