sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
