I haven't been this sober since birth.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
