dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
