ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
