Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
