My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bring me that man meat
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
