did you get engaged???
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
