don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
