Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
