OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
