4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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