if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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