i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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