If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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