Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize