I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
