Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize