this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
