Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
