well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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