So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
