I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
