Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
