I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
