if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize