No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
