the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This beer is not sobering me up at all
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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