remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is Oprah even human
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize