I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
