Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
