Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
