You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
vagina is talking i cant
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
