dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's never too late to be topless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
