hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
