The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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