Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
