I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hell yes lets make some ravioli
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
