Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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