I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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