I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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