piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i now understand why vodka
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize