Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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