i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
