you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She even gives head with a lisp.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
