I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
