did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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