Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
