We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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