I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize