i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
