i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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