Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
