So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
