Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
