If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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