Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
