But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize