if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
