you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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