Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The feeling are messing with the penis
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
