When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
