My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
