We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
