So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
