the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
