I am puke
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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