i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
