oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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