Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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