I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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