Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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