Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
