I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
