My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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