Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
