My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found your dick twin last night
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize