Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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